I received a question in response to my post about how to run effective 1:1s. Also related is a post about righting the ship when 1:1’s are painful. Copied verbatim, their question was:
How do you handle it if the answer to this every time is a life thing? “What is on your mind these days, either work or life related?”
Lets dive into this.
About twice a month, I’ll get someone coming to me to ask for career advice. I’m starting to collect the more common questions and my thoughts on them. I’m putting these together as a series of blog posts under the tag CareerPlusPlus.
What’s the point?
My reason for asking the question about what’s on your mind, life or work, is to see how someone is doing before I get into what they’re doing, and then by why they’re doing it.
Why should I even care how an employee is doing? Does that even matter? (Answers will vary depending on your generation, I bet)
The glib answer everyone gives is “Yes, we should always care what our people are doing!” Ok, but how often do people use that information in any meaningful way? Too often I’ve seen it like the question in office space.
If you aren’t familiar, in the movie the manager Bill Lumbergh always asks “What’s happening?” but he doesn’t really care what the answer is. I see this all the time.
I see the point of asking the question twofold. First, I do care about my people. I genuinely want to know how my fellow people are doing. You’ll just have to take my word on that, internet stranger. Second, this will give me insight into whether or not they are focused or able to focus on the work ahead of them.
If I take care of my people well, they will move mountains for me. Also, it’s just the right thing to do.
Stepping off the soap box…
Is it a problem?
Is it really a problem that you have life issues constantly on your mind when you walk into work? Maybe yes, maybe no.
For me it comes down to the question of whether this will impact your ability to do your job. When my child was gravely ill, there was no way that didn’t cast a cloud over every single thing I did in life including work. It was a problem because I couldn’t focus.
It was a problem, and it wasn’t something that could be solved by my supervisor. By keeping them aware of what was going on in my life it afforded me some grace and it helped me to better deal with everything I was going through.
As a side effect, there is basically nothing I wouldn’t do for that person who was my supervisor through all of that. She’s on the very short list that I would drop everything for if she needed me.
Sometimes, it’s not a problem that life things are constantly on your mind when you walk in. As long as you are able to be focused and productive during the hours you are working, it’s not a problem!
If you feel guilty that life things are always what is on your mind when you come to work, but your manager is being fair and satisfied with your output, give yourself a break. That is society putting into your mind an expectation of how you “should” feel.
Is it acute or chronic?
Are we talking about something that’s going on for a month or two or is this a year or more? It matters because how you will deal with it differs.
If the thing that is constantly on your mind will be resolved in two weeks one way or another, maybe the right thing is to just trudge through it. Sometimes the best way out is through.
If it’s chronic, then again ask yourself the previous questions about if it’s a problem or not.
Here’s the difficult part: If this is something chronic and it is work impacting, then you probably need to get some professional help. The reason I say this is twofold:
- You need to be able to take care of yourself
- Your company will not keep you employed year after year of underperformance, even if it is due to reasons outside your control
That last point may sound wrong or unjust, but I believe it is important to talk about how things are rather than how they should be. Most companies are not charities, and they will not keep around people who aren’t able to meet expectations.
If you find yourself in the position where your life is impacting work you may need to consider some options.
- Push through. This may or may not be a viable option. I know people who have pushed through for years. It takes it’s toll on your mental health.
- Change of careers. Sometimes changing your circumstance is what’s needed. This could mean a different company or an entirely different line of work.
- Go to therapy. It helps. It really does.
- Make a change in your life outside of work. May be the thing that needs addressing is that thing that’s on your mind. Sometimes there are things we can do, and sometimes there aren’t.
Closing Thoughts
Life happens. It’s wonderful and painful and amazing and morose and exciting and a host of other things. The thing that we don’t tell people often enough when it comes to making a career is this dirty little secret.
Your life outside the office is more important than your work.